Excerpts from
Chuckle Chowder
by Sue Annabrooke Jones
Question: What's the difference between a geologist and a genealogist?
Answer: One digs into the dirt and find facts, the other digs into the facts and finds dirt.
Passengers on a flight to the Caribbean had settled in and waited for takeoff, but nothing happened.
Ten minutes, then twenty minutes passed, and the passengers were left to look around at one another in confusion.
Finally, a flight attendant's voice came over the loudspeaker: "We're sorry for the delay, ladies and
gentlemen. The machine that automatically beats up your luggage then tears off the handles is broken, so we're having to do it manually.
Please be patient. We should be finished and on our way shortly."
Question: How does an archaeologist know when she's at the top of her field?
Answer: Her career is in ruins.
Angry frog seated at a restaurant table: "Waiter! There's no fly in my soup!"
A woman at a train station spotted a man carrying two babies, one in each arm. She approached him and said
admiringly, "What beautiful babies! What are their names?"
"Beats me," the man replied, looking around.
"Well, are they boys or girls, or one of each?" she asked.
"I don't know," he answered abruptly.
The woman looked at him for a few moments, then asked, "Just what kind of father are you?"
"Oh, I'm not their father," he said, "I'm a condom salesman, and these are two complaints I'm
taking back to my company."
Question: What's Irish and stays outdoors all summer long?
Answer: Paddy O'Furniture.
A Chicago man traveled to New York during the height of the tourist season and decided to revisit a midtown restaurant he had enjoyed on a previous trip to the city.
The place was crowded, so he was pleased to get the same table as before. Catching the eye of the overworked waiter required some patience on his part, and when the waiter finally appeared at his table, the man said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."
The harried waiter snapped, "You'll just have to wait your turn, sir, I can only serve one table at a time!"
Tourist to tour guide: "Why is it that so many famous Civil War battles were fought on national
historic sites?"
A woman whose daughter had traveled all over the world looking for adventure eagerly awaited her daughter's return
at the airport.
As the daughter exited the plane, the mother noticed a fierce-looking man with wild hair directly behind her
daughter. Dressed in feathers and sporting exotic markings all over his body, he carried a shrunken head.
The daughter introduced him to her mother as her new husband. The mother gasped in disbelief and screamed,
"What I said was, marry a RICH doctor!"
You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
A man who was having trouble with his car brakes left his automobile with a brake specialist
overnight. When he returned the next day, the mechanic asked him, "Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?"
"Oh no," groaned the customer. "Better give me the bad news first."
"I couldn't repair your brakes," the specialist stated flatly.
"This is awful!" the customer whined. "What's the good news?"
The mechanic replied, "I made your horn louder."
Question: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist??
Answer: One looks up your family tree, and the other looks up your family bush.
Famous last words: "There, that should be enough gas to get us across Arizona and then some!"
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